Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
