I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And then my night got REAL pukey
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
