Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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