you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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