just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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