I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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