She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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