i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
where are you?
Hypothermia
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
