I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
