Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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