im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
