Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
