The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
