Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I smell like Dick and happiness
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize