I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
