Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
