he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
