and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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