come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The air taste purple.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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