This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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