6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
