I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
