i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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