yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
