i can't believe i had my finger in that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
