there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
