I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
