This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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