The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
