You just made me feel so damn special
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
