Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
