I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
