I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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