and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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