Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
