Whod you bang
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
