i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
