I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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