I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
