I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
