My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
