i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize