Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
