Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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