I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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