please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
