I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
