just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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