sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
