A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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