I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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