so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
