You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I could fuck to npr.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
