She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
