I seem to have left my pride at pride
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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