why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
