Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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