At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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