Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
