I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
