And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
