I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
