from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
