it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
