I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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