What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
