i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
