It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
