her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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