i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
