I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
