She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
