Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
