how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
