ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
