When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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